Keep a Relationship Together - Five Patterns to Escape
Tuesday, October 14, 2008 | Labels: I think | |It can be difficult to keep a relationship together, especially after the breakup words have been uttered. But that's no reason to despair.
While romantic relationships are as individual as the people involved, a few post-breakup patterns exist. These common patterns, according to many counselors, include :
1. Refusing to accept the reality of the breakup. While it takes two to tango, it only takes one to break up. The sooner one accepts the situation, the sooner the healing -- whether as an individual or as a member of a reunited couple -- can begin.
2. Focusing every ounce of energy and every waking moment on ways to get back together with the ex. This is a very common tactic but, unfortunately, it often sabotages any real chance for reconciliation. Both partners need time and space.
3. Searching obsessively for clues and signs that will reveal if the relationship "is really over." While this is a natural tendency, many people get trapped in a habit of endlessly replaying the exact words their ex used during the breakup, needlessly prolonging their pain and suffering.
4. Frequenting singles bars, pretending that everything with them and their life is OK. While going out with friends during a breakup can be helpful, many people wind up falling into potentially self-destructive behaviors -- casual unprotected sex or drinking too much alcohol.
5. Becoming depressed. Depression is a fairly typical initial reaction and is fine in the short-term, as part of the healing process. It's marked by appetite changes, sleep pattern disruptions and the inability to focus on anything -- except the loss of the relationship. Unfortunately, some people fall into a deep depression, which can create numerous problems for their lives.
Whether you want to build a new life on your own or reunite with your ex, the best post-breakup strategy is to become your own best friend. Take all the time you need to feel what you're feeling. Spend quality time with yourself. Dealing with strong emotions can be intimidating but running away from them only creates a worse situation for you.
When confused by emotions, fears and loneliness, most people do not know how to handle the situation. Coming up with a game plan, a method to follow, is far more beneficial than merely reacting to one strong wave of emotion after another. A plan is crucial to being able to keep a relationship together.