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Keep a Relationship Together - Five Patterns to Escape

2008-10-14T11:18:00.000-07:00

It can be difficult to keep a relationship together, especially after the breakup words have been uttered. But that's no reason to despair.

While romantic relationships are as individual as the people involved, a few post-breakup patterns exist. These common patterns, according to many counselors, include :

1. Refusing to accept the reality of the breakup. While it takes two to tango, it only takes one to break up. The sooner one accepts the situation, the sooner the healing -- whether as an individual or as a member of a reunited couple -- can begin.

2. Focusing every ounce of energy and every waking moment on ways to get back together with the ex. This is a very common tactic but, unfortunately, it often sabotages any real chance for reconciliation. Both partners need time and space.

3. Searching obsessively for clues and signs that will reveal if the relationship "is really over." While this is a natural tendency, many people get trapped in a habit of endlessly replaying the exact words their ex used during the breakup, needlessly prolonging their pain and suffering.

4. Frequenting singles bars, pretending that everything with them and their life is OK. While going out with friends during a breakup can be helpful, many people wind up falling into potentially self-destructive behaviors -- casual unprotected sex or drinking too much alcohol.

5. Becoming depressed. Depression is a fairly typical initial reaction and is fine in the short-term, as part of the healing process. It's marked by appetite changes, sleep pattern disruptions and the inability to focus on anything -- except the loss of the relationship. Unfortunately, some people fall into a deep depression, which can create numerous problems for their lives.

Whether you want to build a new life on your own or reunite with your ex, the best post-breakup strategy is to become your own best friend. Take all the time you need to feel what you're feeling. Spend quality time with yourself. Dealing with strong emotions can be intimidating but running away from them only creates a worse situation for you.

When confused by emotions, fears and loneliness, most people do not know how to handle the situation. Coming up with a game plan, a method to follow, is far more beneficial than merely reacting to one strong wave of emotion after another. A plan is crucial to being able to keep a relationship together.

Escape and Comfort in Relationship

2008-10-14T11:11:00.001-07:00

We’re going to talk about some “advanced stuff” today, so I want you to pay careful attention. As you may or may not know, it is very important for a woman to feel a sense of security in a relationship, to feel protected when she’s with a man. This is true no matter how powerful or successful she is, and comes back to what I call defining authority in a relationship.

A woman takes comfort in a man who defines authority in a relationship. She feels secure… and the two go hand in hand IF what you’re providing is what I call “true comfort.” See, way too many people confuse comfort with escape and the consequences can be dangerous. So what’s the difference between the two?

Let’s start with what “escape” means. Escape is really the illusion of comfort… a retreat into a false reality in an attempt to get away from “real reality.” Unfortunately, the consequences of “real reality” still apply. An extreme example, of course, is the drug addict who spends all his time either high or trying to get that way, so he doesn’t have to deal with reality. Of course reality always come crashing down, and the addict has to face the consequences of the decisions he made based on events in his illusion that in actuality apply to reality. Usually these consequences are not good… jail, termination of relationships, health problems, etc.

Now, don’t get the idea I think escape is bad, because it’s not, unless taken to the extreme, and mistaken for comfort in the relationship. I think escape is a fine thing IF you both recognize that’s what you’re doing. In fact, many “special friends” or “adventure partner” relationships are based purely on escape, and that’s a great thing… as long as both people realize that and continue to make reality based decisions, not “illusion based” decisions. But, what often happens is one or both partners mistakes escape for comfort, and starts making decisions based on illusion, not reality. I think many long term relationships go bad for this reason. Can escape be part of a successful long term relationship? Sure, and it should be IF “true comfort” is present. “Special friends” or “adventure partners” can be based purely on escape, but if you want to have a successful long term relationship with a wonderful woman, you must be able to provide her true comfort IN ADDITION to escape.

So what is “true comfort?” True comfort comes from the creation of a different reality, the molding and changing of a current reality to create outcomes which lead to comfort and security. The old reality is changed, not “retreated from.” With “escape” you’re dealing with two versions of reality: reality itself and “illusion of reality.” With comfort you’re creating, changing, molding, and shaping your own reality. When you are aware of this distinction, and controlling the direction, your relationship improves on many levels.

True comfort in a relationship comes only from true strength. Only a truly strong man can create his own reality. And true strength comes from sound mind, true character, desire and the willingness to pay the price to create that comfort for her and for you. That means, learning, studying, reading and working on “reality creation”… developing the ability to create your own outcomes with attraction, with money, with your health and with your relationships. When you can do that, you will achieve fulfillment.

When she knows you can create a reality for her and you in these areas she will feel true comfort, even if she herself is already capable of creating these things for herself. Why would a “capable woman” settle for an “incapable man” who can provide only escape, not true comfort? The answer is, she won’t, at least not for long. She may indulge herself in escape for a bit, but when the escape is over and it’s time to get back to reality, she’ll continue her search for the MAN who provides her with true comfort in the relationship she wants.

The lesson is this: if you feel you’re ready for a long term relationship with a wonderful woman who makes every part of your day brighter, you must be strong enough to create true comfort for her. If not, you will only create escape, and your time with her will be momentary. Escape is great for some things, even as part of a long term relationship, but not as its foundation. When it’s true comfort you’re providing her she will stay with you until the end… and beyond.

10 Turnoffs that Make Great Gals Wave Goodbye

2007-11-11T22:51:00.000-08:00

By Jeff Cohen

Most guys know from the get-go whether or not they see potential in a woman. There's that inner voice that tells you this is someone worth pursuing.

When the first date ends, you're not even thinking about playing games. You know you want a second date. You wait your standard two days, call to set up that date and get the dreaded voicemail.

You leave a heartfelt message, but after three days it becomes clear this great gal is not calling you back. Where did you go wrong?

Were you the only one feeling sparks over lattes?

Top 10 turnoffs for women

Maybe the answer is to learn the top 10 turnoffs that make great gals wave goodbye. If any of these fictional guys sound like you, it's time to change your approach.

Great Gal Turnoff #1: Showboat Sammy

Maybe he owns a yacht off the coast of France. Maybe he has a timeshare in the Hamptons. Maybe his annual bonus is bigger than most guys' salaries. That's all well and good, but does it really need to be divulged on the first date?

Great Gal Turnoff #2: Messy Melvin

A-list celebrities can pull off the unkempt look. First-daters need to pay attention to shaving, clothing and bad breath. If the guy can't even put in the effort for a first impression, it doesn't bode well down the road.

Great Gal Turnoff #3: Rude Ricky

"Where's our drinks, lady?" If a guy treats the service staff with a lack of respect, a great gal will likely assume he'll do the same to her someday.

The last thing anyone wants is to be talked down to or disrespected.

Great Gal Turnoff #4: Cheapie Charlie

There will always be debate about who should pay on a first date. Some guys are traditionalists and want to foot the bill; others expect a 50-50 monetary split. In most cases, offering to pay is the way to go. Let her pick up the tab on a future date.

Great Gal Turnoff #5: Still-Married Michael

Marriage, separation and divorce are pretty cut-and-dry terms. If a guy says he's separated when he really means he's cheating on his wife, it's going to cause trouble. Be honest from the get-go and let the dating chips fall where they may.

Great Gal Turnoff #6: Hands-On Howie

Guys need to read the signals before assuming hand holding, massaging and other touchy-feely activities have the green light.

Jumping too quickly to any form of intimacy can make any guy seem too aggressive.

Great Gal Turnoff #7: Stereotyping Stephen

"Oh, you're one of those types of women." Jumping to conclusions about a date from the way she answers one or two questions is a definite mistake. Let the date unfold before making assumptions about someone you just met.

Great Gal Turnoff #8: Distracted David

His cell phone is ringing constantly, he's popping away from the table every 10 minutes, and he keeps interrupting the conversation flow. First dates require focused attention -- that means putting the phone on vibrate, making eye contact and being present.

Great Gal Turnoff #9: All-Business Barry

Some guys are great salesmen or outstanding negotiators. But there's a time and place for business and a time and place for leisure. Guys who treat first dates like business transactions will never close the deal.

Great Gal Turnoff #10: Nervous Ned

He can't sit still, he's banging his fork on the table, and he won't make eye contact for more than three seconds. Nervous antics are a real turnoff and make a great gal think a guy has something to hide. Work out the nervous kinks before the date starts.

DotA Allstars Allusions

2007-10-02T19:06:00.000-07:00

These are allusions present in the Warcraft III custom map Defense of the Ancients: Allstars variant.

Items

Aegis of the Immortal
A shield used by Zeus, the Greek god.

Aghanim's Scepter
Refers to Aghanim, the final boss in some of the Zelda games.

Burize-Do Kyanon
An item from Diablo II.

Dagon
A Semitic God.

Eul's Scepter of Divinity
A tribute to the creator of the original Defense of the Ancients, which included an item of the same name. The item "Guinsoo's Scythe of Vyse" derives from it. The fact that the latter is more powerful (using ESoD as a recipe ingredient, and is in a higher tier of items) may have been to imply Guinsoo's superiority, or simply to represent the development of the map over time.

Eye of Skadi
Skadi is the wife of the Van god Njord in Norse mythology. She was the Goddess of winter, and as a tribute to her the item causes a hero's attack to deal frost damage, slowing opponents.

Lothar's Edge
A tribute to Sir Anduin Lothar, the Champion of Azeroth, during the First War (in Warcraft and Warcraft II.)

Necronomicon
A fictional book of magic, by H. P. Lovecraft.

Nethrezim Buckler
The Nathrezim or Dreadlords are a race in the Warcraft universe of games.

Stygian Desolator
A weapon from the game Anarchy Online.

Hand of Midas
Midas is a character in Greek mythology who turned everything he touched into gold.

Heart of Tarrasque
A mythical creature resembling a dragon, lion and scorpion. Also a small boss from Starcraft, another Blizzard game.

Yasha
A type of demon in Indian mythology. Also refers to a sword from the game Phantasy Star Online.

Sange
Another sword from the game Phantasy Star Online.

Sange and Yasha
In Phantasy Star Online The Sange and Yasha could be combined to form a formidable dual sword weapon, and thus the same is allowed here.

Monkey King Bar
From the chinese folk tale Journey to the West, the Monkey King Bar was a staff used by the hero Sun Wukong and could alter its size to his will. The weapon also appears in Phantasy Star Online and maybe also be another reference to that game.

Black King Bar
Appears in the game Phantasy Star Online, however in that game it is an upgraded form of the Monkey King Bar.

Heroes

Note: This section only explains the possible allusions that exist in the DotA Allstars heroes and is not meant to be a hero guide/description/spell list.

Abbadon
1) Abbadon, the Despoiler, from Games Workshop's Warhammer 40, 000. He was the leader of the 4 great chaos.
2) Abbadon is the Romanized translation of the Hebrew Azrael, the Angel of Death. (Also known as the slayer of Egyptian first-borns)

Akasha
One of the five elements of Hinduism. Also the name of the Queen of the Damned from a book by Anne Rice.

Atropos
One of the three fates in Greek mythology, who literally "cut the thread of life" according to legend. This is characterized in Allstars with the ultimate skill Fiend's Grip which severely drains enemy life.

Azwraith
The Phantom Lancer. Uses a model/icon based on a Final Fantasy character, Kimhari.

Furion
The leader of the Night Elves, with his command of nature, in Warcraft III.

Bradwarden
Centaur character from R.A. Salvatore's book The Demon Awakens

Juggernaut
An orc blademaster whos ultimate is the derivative of Cloud Strife's omnislash.

Lina Inverse
Powerful spellcaster, whose name originates from Slayers, a famous manga and anime.

Kel'Thuzad
The Lich King's disciple in the original Warcraft III.

King Leoric
Skeleton King; his name comes from a character in Diablo whose son was possessed by the demon.

Krobelus
A character (missionary role) in the game Summoner 2.

Leviathan
Strength hero that looks like a sea giant. His name comes from a Biblical sea creature.

Lucifer
A Pit Lord, referring to the fallen archangel (the Devil) in Christian tradition.

Leshrac (the Malicious)
A character from the Ice Age saga of Magic the Gathering. (http://www.phyrexia.com/continuity/Leshrac.shtml)

Magnus
A reference to German physicist Heinrich Magnus who described a physical phenomenon called the Magnus effect, that is apt because of Magnus' (the Magnataur's) ultimate Reverse Polarity acting like the Magnus effect.

Medusa (the Gorgon)
A monster in Greek mythology whose gaze turned people to stone. This is represented in-game using the skills Purge and Gaze (certain versions only) which greatly slows enemies, however does not turn them into stone.

Morphling
A shapeshifter from Wizards of the Coast's Magic the Gathering, which is also adept at switching stats. More information on this card can be found here

Naga Siren
Derived from Greek Mythology, where sirens (half woman half sea creatures) were enticing men on ships to their island. In the game, her ultimate spell (Song of the Siren) causes all enemies in the surrounding area to sleep for a short period of time.

Rexxar
The wandering Beastmaster who played the main role in the orc campaign from the Frozen Throne.

Rikimaru
A stealth ninja in the game Tenchu: The Stealth Assassins.

Squee
Character from Magic, the Gathering. A goblin from the Weatherlight saga .

Syllabear
Syllabear is named after Syllable from clan TDA who worked with Guinsoo with the development of DotA.

VolJin
The leader of a band of trolls, the Darkspear tribe. Their tribe was saved from the humans by Rexxar, the Beastmaster.

Zeus
Leader of the gods in Greek mythology. Zeus was the god of lightning, and in Dota: Allstars the Zeus hero specializes in lightning-based spells.

Who are the Richest Americans for 2007?

2007-09-20T18:35:00.000-07:00

And still Gates get it to the top. This is according to the latest issue of the Forbes magazine, I am referring to the 25th Anniversary Issue of the this magazine.

"One billion dollars is no longer enough..." to get in the America's most exclusive club.

Here is the List of The 400 Richest Americans

#1
William H. Gates III

Net Worth: $59 billion
Source: Microsoft
Residence: Medina, Wash.
Age: 51
Marital Status: Married, 3 children

Harvard dropout and Microsoft visionary preparing to give up day-to-day involvement in company he cofounded 32 years ago to spend more time focused on his philanthropic endeavors.
Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation manages $33 billion, donates to causes aimed at bringing financial tools to the poor, speeding up the development of vaccines (for AIDS, malaria, tuberculosis), bettering America's lagging high schools.
Sells 20 million Microsoft shares every quarter, proceeds going to private investment vehicle Cascade; more than half of net worth now outside of Microsoft.
Company's new operating system, Vista, debuted in January to mixed reviews; shares up 12% in past year.
Pressing on Google's turf (and vice versa); spent $6 billion to land Web ad firm Aquantive in May.
Would-be rival to Apple's iPod, the Zune, not yet a hit.
Believes Microsoft's far-flung bets, including 10-year affair with Internet-based television, may soon pay off; says next 10 years will be the "most interesting" in software history.
Early goal: put "a computer on every desk and in every home."
Soon more than 1 billion computers will run Windows.
Days as world's richest man may be over; Mexican Carlos Slim Helú also worth $59 billion.

#2. Warren Buffett
#3. Sheldon Adelson
#4. Lawrence Ellison
#5. Sergey Brin
#5. Larry Page
#7. Kirk Kerkorian
#8. Michael Dell
#9. Charles Koch
#9. David Koch
#11. Paul Allen
#12. Jim Walton
#12. Christy Walton & Family
#12. S. Robson Walton
#15. Alice Walton
#16. Steven Ballmer
#17. Abigail Johnson
#18. Carl Icahn
#19. Jack Crawford Taylor & Family
#19. Forrest Mars Jr.
#19. John F. Mars
#19. Jacqueline Mars

Click Here The Complete List

Starcraft 2 First Look

2007-09-19T00:57:00.000-07:00

Starcraft 2 official in game demo and game play footage.

Official In-Game Demo

Protoss

What is a blog?

2007-09-18T23:32:00.000-07:00

The term blog is actually a blending of the words web and log. Over time the two words combined to become weblog, and eventually simply blog. A blog is defined in the dictionary as "a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer."
- Beginners Guide

A blog (short for Web log) is an online journal.
- ThirdAge Blog

a publication? a tool? a social tool? a conversation? a community space? guess again ---- it's a person! ...
"A blog isn't a publication. It's a person"
- Conversations with Dina

A blog is an exciting, different and easy way of having your own web site. The word is short for "web log", and that is exactly what it is, a web site that is like a log or journal. If you have a blog, you can become part of the web and it's community of 'bloggers'!
- elab

Today's blog lets you add photos with the simplest of ease. With some all you have to do is upload the photo with a photo upload tool that's right in the blog and add the photo where you want it. Couldn't be simpler. A lot of blogs also let your readers reply to your posts. This is a great feature if you like conversing with others on the Web about your life.
- suite101.com